Boxes

By Rio L. Barney

            Remember that old saying, “think outside of the box”?  Where did that even come from?  I have a theory.  I think at some point in the history of the human race, someone looked at a box, and then at another human, back to the box, and then the human.  A thought started to brew in their neural links.  What if I put this other human in this box?  What if once in that box, that human only acts the way the box is labeled?  Genius!  Only…humans weren’t meant to be put in boxes.

            Has this ever happened to you?  You get to a point in your life and you think you need to act or look a certain way to fit in?  So you put yourself in that box.  Guilty on my part!  I think a lot of us are guilty of this.  We craft these perfect little boxes to fit in and then we willingly step into them.  The only problem with this box is that the rest of the world will look at you and see only your box, but not the beautiful being inside the box.  Sadly, there are more problems that arise within the box.  Imagine a large box, like really large.  Think refrigerator size box.  Once you step inside that box you find out that it’s not that bad in there.  It’s spacious, it’s symmetrical.  But now, someone comes along and asks you to step out of your box, only to hand you another box.  This one is smaller, but you still fit in it.  You climb in and notice that it is a little cramped but you think you can make it work.  Oh, but here comes someone else with yet another box.  This box is even smaller.  You reassure yourself that you can make this one work too.  And why not?  You fit in the other boxes.  You squeeze inside, this box is much smaller than the others.  It’s cramped and stuffy but you do fit.  Guess what?  Here comes someone else with an even smaller box.  Really small, too small for you.  You try to fit in it, but there just is no way!  You can’t fit.  Why can’t you fit, demands the other person.  You fit in the other boxes, so why not this one?  Logically, if you can fit in the other boxes, then you should be able to fit in any box that is given to you,  Right?  Wrong!  Step out of the box!

            I mentioned earlier that I have put myself in more boxes than anyone has ever tried.  And they have tried.  Many people have tried to box me up.  And why not?  Box up people so they stack easier.  Right?  Wrong again!  One of the most freeing and wonderful feelings you can experience is when you get rid of the box.  Get rid of it!  Step out  and chuck it!  Embrace your unique wonderful self.  The world needs your uniqueness.  One of the boxes that I put myself into was right around when I started having children.  I found the most constrictive and stifling box that I could fit in and squeezed in it.  I felt like now that I had small children, I needed to be a certain way.  I needed to act a certain way, dress a certain way, say certain things.  Not to my kids, but to other people.  I felt like I had to have certain interests and to act a certain way to fit into the ‘new mommy’ box.  Not true!  Mothers come in all shapes and sizes and that is the beautiful part of life!  I felt like now that I had young children, I shouldn’t watch horror films (not with the kids of course) even though I really like horror films!  Music that I had loved from a young age was no longer played because I thought it just didn’t fit into the box.  I was so into this box, I didn’t even play any music at my house.  What a sad and silent existence!  I’m an avid reader but books didnt’t fit into the box that I had stuffed myself into.  I had convinced myself that if I had time to read then I was not doing my job as a mother.  Mothers should not have time for themselves, ever, right?  Wrong! I found myself changing, only the outside, but changing none the less.  Why did I feel like I had to work myself to exhaustion every day?  The answer is the box!  The box I chose to put myself in kept me thinking that I should do this.  Did it make my family happier that I was so tired and stressed?  Absolutely not.  Did it make me happier that I was so tired and stressed?  Absolutely not!  So why did I do that?  The answer is because I let myself believe that this box that was handed to me by societal constraints would fit me.  I could be this ‘perfect’ mother.  What is even a perfect mother?  I don’t really want to know.  I like mothers that are flawed, that are goofy and silly, that exercise when they can and take time for themselves.  I like mothers that read and more importantly read to their children.  Once I realized what was going on, I stepped out of that box.  I could breathe again!  I quickly kicked that box to the curb!  My family noticed I was happier.  I started reading again!   I had more quality time with my children.  We could do fun things that we hadn’t done before because the box was in the way.  Finally, music started to be played at our house again.  We started having meaningful conversations about books and movies and all sorts of things.  I started taking time in the day to exercise and I prioritized time to meditate.  I felt like stepping out of the box was the best thing I could have done for myself and my family.

            Boxes, unfortunately, come in many sizes.  And many of them have a stealth mode.  You can end up in a box and not even know it for quite some time.  Sometimes boxes come with more than one like little nesting dolls.  Once you step out of one, you automatically arrive in another.  Boxes come with the pressures of work, or friend groups, or even families.  Be aware that many people want to put you in a box!  But once you step out of the box or boxes that you are in, you can recognize a box coming a mile away.  Don’t get me wrong, I like real life boxes.  There is something very satisfying about a well organized and boxed up garage.  But humans should not be boxed up.  Take the valuable information that each box you have been in holds and step out.  Carry your lessons with you.  But most importantly, embrace being yourself.  You are unique for a reason!  Variety is the spice of life, but being yourself is the main dish!  That is why we are told to ‘think outside the box’.  The box is blocking your point of view and your creativity. There is a reason boxes come in squares and not body shaped…humans weren’t meant to be put in a box.

Photo by Brandable Box on Unsplash