Rising home prices over the past few years have led to an increasingly unbearable housing market in the state of Utah. While Eagle Mountain is still largely one of the most affordable cities along the Wasatch Front, there is more that can be done, at least that’s what Melvin Lennial, a 23 year-old Professional Video Gaming Major at the U of Em says.
“The affordability crisis is keeping hard-working citizens like myself out of home ownership,” said Lennial. “Is it too much to ask that I am able to obtain everything my parents have now the moment I graduate? I don’t think so. This is America, we’re better than that.”
That’s where the Box-O-Livin’ comes in. These prefab homes have made waves in metropolitan areas and college campuses nationwide for being forward-thinking, environmentally friendly, and cost-effective, all while providing a unique way of life for their owners.
Lennial wants to get into a home, but has found having no income, collateral, or meaningful life skills have become barriers to his American Dream. He wants to see the city approve Ninth Hole Ranchettes so he can have a Box-O-Livin’ of his own. While he isn’t certain how he will finance it or pay for it, he isn’t concerned, as he believes his parents will lend him the money.
SATIRE NOTICE: This article is satire, none of the events, technology, or persons in the article exist. It is written to make a point using humor.
Meaty Ogre Homes, the parent company of Box-O-Livin’, proposed a concept plan for the Ninth Hole Ranchettes project this last Tuesday at the city council meeting. Ninth Hole is a 175 unit project on one acre adjacent to the Ranches Golf Course.
Hordes of residents attended, voicing their opposition to tiny lots and houses in their backyards, but Pete Batenswetch, CEO of Meaty Ogre doesn’t commiserate.
“I understand neighboring residents might be unhappy with our ranchettes in the neighborhood, but what’s most important for residents to remember is the Constitution says I have property rights and can build whatever I want, wherever I want, and how I want. But even so, if we as a society really want to bolster my—er—excuse me, I mean, solve this affordability crisis, then I need to be allowed to maximize the amount of homes I can get onto a piece of land. This is the future. Kids these days don’t want space. They want to be protected and cozy, crammed inside a refrigerator box-sized home. You can look at these mini-estates as college-aged wombs. They help these kids feel almost as if they hadn’t left the spare room of their parent’s basement. This development isn’t about money in my pockets, it’s about the rising generation. If we don’t build these 10-by-10 lifelines, our kids will be in the streets, or worse, happily married in a single family home watching Fox News.”
While the ranchettes might seem small, they’re surprisingly spacious and each comes fully furnished with a mini fridge, toddler bed, and hot plate, as well as a convenient two-way laundry dropbox, so residents can deposit their dirty clothes to an exterior bin for convenient pick-up by their mothers and receive them back laundered without having to personally interact with her. Even with the furnishings, there’s still a foot or two of floor space lending itself to the cavernous fell of the dwelling.
“Look, anyone critical of these estates hates the environment and is suffering from privilege,” said Lennial. “It’s a walkable community and the lifestyle is unmatched. I did a test down at Meaty Ogre’s Design Center and I can go to the bathroom while cooking dinner and doing homework at the desk, all without moving. Everything I need is right there at my fingertips. Yeah, sometimes I wish I had a bit more space, but when I think that, I remind myself of the polar ice caps melting and all the murdered polar bears, and it quickly fades. Spending most of my time at home in the fetal position is a small price to pay for that.”
While no official action is taken with a concept plan review, Lennial’s dream may not be in the cards. The City Council’s feedback to the proposal was largely negative, with one council member going as far as stating “Wow, why didn’t you just pitch these as being built out of refrigerator boxes?” At least two others nodded in agreement. Another member seemed to like the idea, but ultimately would not commit one way or the other.
Batenswitch isn’t deterred. “Often, councils have issues with concepts. We’ll make adjustments,” he stated, “and you know, this proposal could be even better, I’m really liking the refrigerator box idea. I think it’s viable.”
Robby Eastman is currently a reporter at The Liberal Times and Seasons. He won the 2014 Pulitzer Prize for Explanatory Reporting for his four-year-long series about food stamps and their effect on the top 1% of Americans elites. He was also a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in Pasquinade Writing in 2013, 2016 and 2017. Robby is the author of the award-winning book “City Permit Process Should Be Replaced with The Honor System”. Due to his reporting, he has been the Grand Marshal in many city parades including the New York City non-gender specific parent parade. He also has a key chain that holds the keys to many cities in the United States.
Like this:
Like Loading...
Rising home prices over the past few years have led to an increasingly unbearable housing market in the state of Utah. While Eagle Mountain is still largely one of the most affordable cities along the Wasatch Front, there is more that can be done, at least that’s what Melvin Lennial, a 23 year-old Professional Video Gaming Major at the U of Em says.
“The affordability crisis is keeping hard-working citizens like myself out of home ownership,” said Lennial. “Is it too much to ask that I am able to obtain everything my parents have now the moment I graduate? I don’t think so. This is America, we’re better than that.”
That’s where the Box-O-Livin’ comes in. These prefab homes have made waves in metropolitan areas and college campuses nationwide for being forward-thinking, environmentally friendly, and cost-effective, all while providing a unique way of life for their owners.
Lennial wants to get into a home, but has found having no income, collateral, or meaningful life skills have become barriers to his American Dream. He wants to see the city approve Ninth Hole Ranchettes so he can have a Box-O-Livin’ of his own. While he isn’t certain how he will finance it or pay for it, he isn’t concerned, as he believes his parents will lend him the money.
While no official action is taken with a concept plan review, Lennial’s dream may not be in the cards. The City Council’s feedback to the proposal was largely negative, with one council member going as far as stating “Wow, why didn’t you just pitch these as being built out of refrigerator boxes?” At least two others nodded in agreement. Another member seemed to like the idea, but ultimately would not commit one way or the other.
Batenswitch isn’t deterred. “Often, councils have issues with concepts. We’ll make adjustments,” he stated, “and you know, this proposal could be even better, I’m really liking the refrigerator box idea. I think it’s viable.”
